Manipulation

Are you being secretly manipulated?
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Are you being openly manipulated?
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Does your self-esteem depend on the approval of others?
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Do you apologize just to keep the peace?
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Does your self-esteem change according to approval or disapproval from your partner?
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Do you feel really happy when your boss praises you and then go right down if your work is criticized?
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Are you aware that this is manipulation?
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Is it a nice feeling?
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Surely not?
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So make choices
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Choices to get out of this situation
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Manipulators have taken the trouble to learn how to find your weak points and exploit them
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Time for you to understand what is going on
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Look closely at what they see
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Is this true?
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If yes then decide to change it because only you can do this
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Fear is often one of the reasons why we allow ourselves to be manipulated
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Is this your situation are you being bullied or put down?
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If yes then for sure you have told yourself there is no choice
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Except in very few situations, like a dying mother manipulator perhaps, this is not true
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It is your perception
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Ask others who know how they see your situation
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Does your partner have to be right in order to preserve his own sense of self and his sense of having power in the world?
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Do you allow him to define your sense of reality?
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Because maybe you idealize him and seek his approval
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This can happen to either gender
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Can happen in any type of relationship including with your boss as well as your partner
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Many people who experience this kind of manipulation are actually very successful in every other area of their lives and
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They could never imagine themselves in an abusive relationship
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Often this is such a gradual process that it tends to creep up unnoticed and so by the time they realize it the damage is usually done
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Women more than men are generally very good at empathizing and it often comes naturally to put themselves in other people's shoes.
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Without noticing it they start seeing things from the other person’s perspective.
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Their own feelings and sense of reality become subordinate and they will often end up apologising for someone else's behavior
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They keep wondering if they are too sensitive.
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Wondering if they are good enough and why they are not happier
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They start lying to avoid the put-downs and have trouble making simple decisions thinking twice before bringing up certain seemingly innocent topics of conversation.
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Sensing all the while that they used to be a very different person.
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Feeling they can't do anything right and getting angry with people they used to get along with
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When these things happen the most important thing is to identify what is really going on
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And if this is your situation then once you understand what is really happening in your life then this gives you power
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Once you realise that you have your own part to play in the situation then you have the chance to
stop it
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The next step is to immediately recognise when it comes up, and to tackle it head on
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Opt out of unpleasant conversations and say that, although you respect that person, you are going have to agree to differ
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Remember you have the right to a relationship where people show respect to you
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And if this is not the case then you can decide whether you really want to stay with that person
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If you do not then leave.
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The ultimate power that we have in any relationship is the power to withdraw
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Find the courage to exercise this power
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Living with manipulation in our lives leads to breakdown over time
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You owe it to yourself to end any manipulation in your life
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Besides which life is much nicer when we are not being manipulated