Another scientific breakthrough

Research has consistently found that people who don't drink actually tend to die sooner than those who do.
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A new paper suggests that abstainers' mortality rates are actually higher than those of heavy drinkers.
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Even after controlling for many possible variables, such as socioeconomic status, level of physical activity, and number of close friends, the researchers found that over a 20-year period, mortality rates were highest for those who had never been drinkers.
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One reason for this may be that low levels of ethanol in your bloodstream will prevent the formation of formaldehyde from dietary methanol.
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In fact, ethanol is used as the preferred antidote for accidental methanol poisoning in an emergency for this reason.
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The authors of the new paper are careful to note that even if drinking is associated with longer life, it can be dangerous
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It can impair your memory severely and it can lead to nonlethal falls and other mishaps
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The authors "are careful to note"
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Please give us a break it is not rocket science to note that drinking can impair your memory severely and lead to other mishaps 
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Can you imagine devoting so much time and energy not to mention research grants and their own personal salaries for such a project?
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No mention of liver damage
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No mention of the damage to the central nervous system
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No mention of the other well known effects of alcohol addiction or heavy usage
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No the research did not look at anything other than the death age of drinkers and non drinkers
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Nothing else interested them over the twenty year period that their study covered
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And sadly not much else can be said about this expenditure of research energy
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Never mind if we add this to all the other research on drinking we can safely say drinking heavily over time is not such a good idea, whether or not you live longer would seem pretty academic

A pun