Which are you?

The advice of etiquette experts on dealing with unwanted invitations or overly demanding requests for favours
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The advice has always been the same
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Just say no.
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That may have been a useless mantra in the war on drugs
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But in the war on relatives who want to stay for a fortnight
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Or colleagues trying to get you to do their work
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The good manners response is still "I'm afraid that won't be possible."
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Excuses or prevarication merely invite negotiation.
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The best way to say no is to say no.
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Then shut up.
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This is a lesson we're unable to learn, however, judging by the numerous books promising to help us.
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This is the so called "disease to please" where many feel the imperative that they be liked.
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There are  profound reasons why people feel the need to say yes when they do not want to do something
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Reasons of self-esteem, guilt, wanting to be liked.
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But it's also worth considering whether part of the problem doesn't stem from two basically different types of people
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Those who ask for what they want and those who try to guess if what they want is available to them
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This terminology comes from a web posting by Andrea Donderi that's achieved minor cult status online.
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We are raised according to her theory, in one of two cultures.
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In the ask culture, people grow up being taught that it is OK that they can ask for anything – a favour, a pay rise– while knowing that the answer may be no.
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In the guess culture, by contrast, children grow up avoiding directly asking unless they are pretty sure the answer will be ye.
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In the guess culture a key skill is putting out delicate feelers.
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If this is done with enough subtlety, then no direct request need be made as an offer will be given.
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Even then, the offer may be genuine or just polite noise and the guesser needs yet more skill and delicacy to discern whether it can be accepted.
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Neither culture is worse or better just different and when two people from the different cultures meet unpleasantness can and often does result.
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An asker will not think it's rude to request staying with you for a month or so
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But a guess culture person will freak out at the apparent rudeness of the direct request and resent having to say a direct no
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Your boss,  who asks for an assignment to be finished unrealistically early, may be a pain or just an asker, who would accept if you said no it could not.
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But on the other hand if you're a guesser you hear your boss demanding the impossible 
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This gives us an understanding of why we can find different cultures awkward or difficult to deal with  
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British, Australian and Americans get uncomfortable doing business in Japan, because it's a guess culture and on the other side experience Russians as rude, because they are an askers culture.
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The thrust around the world is to make all of us askers...............with politeness
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Training us all to use American phrases like "that doesn't work for me".
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This might be tough on guessers however it does have the merit of being clear
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Asian societies coming into more contact with Western askers will take time to confront the idea of direct asking
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It is up to all of us to be sensitive to which approach the other person feels more comfortable with
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And maybe not to ask when we should guess!