English unintentional humour

From some of those wonderful Church Bulletins! 
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Thank you church ladies with your typewriters. 
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Enjoy...............
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' 


The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. 


It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. 


Bring your husbands.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. 


Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' 


Come early and listen to our choir practice
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. 


They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. 


All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. 


Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. 


The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 


"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"