Nicola Ellis seemed to be on the verge of the so called golden years.
.
At 60, she was the mother of six children and was semi-retired, living in the home built with the man she’d married 40 years previously.
.
But one morning Ellis’s world collapsed.
.
Out of the blue her husband told her: I don’t love you any longer.
.
I want to go away for a year, and I’ll see how I feel about you when I come back.
.
I was heartbroken, says Ellis, now 77.
.
The pain of it will be imprinted on me until the day I die.
.
I hadn’t the slightest knowledge that the marriage was under any stress whatsoever.
.
I ended up having a nervous breakdown and was on medication for 18 months.
.
News of any marriage break-up is sad, but when a couple who have weathered decades together announce they are splitting, it is also profoundly unnerving.
.
While British divorce rates overall are at the lowest in 26 years, among the over-sixties they are rising sharply.
.
In 2007, 13,678 couples aged over 60 divorced, compared to 9,052 in 1997.
.
Last year Bertie and Jessie Woods from Hertfordshire set a world record after ending their 36‑year marriage, both aged 98.
.
So why, at a time of life usually associated with pensions and menopause, are more and more people embroiled in affidavits and new romance?
.
Margaret Hatwood, a partner specialising in family law at Anthony Gold Solicitors, confirms that she has noticed more mature divorcing clients.
.
The change may in part be due to people leading longer and healthier lives, she says.
.
It is simply unrealistic to expect many couples to remain together for 40 or 50 years.
.
David Pinless is the director of FiftyAlready.com, an online dating agency for the over-fifties that has seen a huge boost in members in recent years.
.
When the children have left home and retirement looms, being with your husband or wife becomes a full-time occupation and the relationship is going to go one way or the other, says David.
.
This is nothing new – but what is new is that this has just started happening to the baby boomer generation.
.
These are the people who invented free love, smoked pot and wore flowers in their hair.
.
They simply aren’t going to stay together for appearance’s sake.
.
Christine Northam, a counsellor for Relate, is seeing far more older couples either seeking reconciliation or coming to terms with a broken marriage.
.
She says that most men leave their wives for another woman.
.
But women – who instigate seven out of 10 divorces – are more likely to be seeking independence.
.
Many have gone back to work and have a wider view of the world.
.
They think, ‘This marriage may have been what I needed at 25, but it’s not what I need now.
.
Their confidence is further boosted by the fact that many more women are economically independent, while recent rulings by the House of Lords mean women who stayed at home are now likely to receive a generous share of their husband’s assets and pension.
.
Still, few choose to end a marriage lightly.
.
One such admits that she delayed ending the marriage for fear of the emotional fallout and also for practical reasons.
.
I couldn’t imagine life without my husband. I’d never lived on my own before, but when I read through some old papers from 1982 I saw all the reasons listed there about why I wanted to leave my husband.
.
So I knew even then but had been in deep denial for years.
.
He’s reinvented himself and lives abroad now.
.
As for me, I’m the happiest ever.
.
The hardest part of her divorce was witnessing the pain it caused her adult children.
.
They tried to be understanding but they have been very hurt.
.
They loved the security that you build up over decades as a family and they’ve said it feels like being orphaned.
.
My love for them is totally unchanged and I hope that will suffice.
.
They had their own vision of the past, which they will now question, and of a future that included Mum and Dad coming to their weddings.
.
Shattering this vision can be very shocking.
.
Many clients strive for amicable settlements, to semi-preserve their children’s dreams.
.
They want to be able to attend their weddings and sit next to their former partner without the risk of rancour or mutual recriminations.
.
But if there’s no love left between the two people, you are wasting what few days you have left on this planet.
.
If you are in an unhappy marriage, I don’t think you can be the kind of person who is much use to anyone.
.
My granddaughter says, ‘Granny, you’re so different now, you are so much happier.
.
You are not trying all the time.
At 60, she was the mother of six children and was semi-retired, living in the home built with the man she’d married 40 years previously.
.
But one morning Ellis’s world collapsed.
.
Out of the blue her husband told her: I don’t love you any longer.
.
I want to go away for a year, and I’ll see how I feel about you when I come back.
.
I was heartbroken, says Ellis, now 77.
.
The pain of it will be imprinted on me until the day I die.
.
I hadn’t the slightest knowledge that the marriage was under any stress whatsoever.
.
I ended up having a nervous breakdown and was on medication for 18 months.
.
News of any marriage break-up is sad, but when a couple who have weathered decades together announce they are splitting, it is also profoundly unnerving.
.
While British divorce rates overall are at the lowest in 26 years, among the over-sixties they are rising sharply.
.
In 2007, 13,678 couples aged over 60 divorced, compared to 9,052 in 1997.
.
Last year Bertie and Jessie Woods from Hertfordshire set a world record after ending their 36‑year marriage, both aged 98.
.
So why, at a time of life usually associated with pensions and menopause, are more and more people embroiled in affidavits and new romance?
.
Margaret Hatwood, a partner specialising in family law at Anthony Gold Solicitors, confirms that she has noticed more mature divorcing clients.
.
The change may in part be due to people leading longer and healthier lives, she says.
.
It is simply unrealistic to expect many couples to remain together for 40 or 50 years.
.
David Pinless is the director of FiftyAlready.com, an online dating agency for the over-fifties that has seen a huge boost in members in recent years.
.
When the children have left home and retirement looms, being with your husband or wife becomes a full-time occupation and the relationship is going to go one way or the other, says David.
.
This is nothing new – but what is new is that this has just started happening to the baby boomer generation.
.
These are the people who invented free love, smoked pot and wore flowers in their hair.
.
They simply aren’t going to stay together for appearance’s sake.
.
Christine Northam, a counsellor for Relate, is seeing far more older couples either seeking reconciliation or coming to terms with a broken marriage.
.
She says that most men leave their wives for another woman.
.
But women – who instigate seven out of 10 divorces – are more likely to be seeking independence.
.
Many have gone back to work and have a wider view of the world.
.
They think, ‘This marriage may have been what I needed at 25, but it’s not what I need now.
.
Their confidence is further boosted by the fact that many more women are economically independent, while recent rulings by the House of Lords mean women who stayed at home are now likely to receive a generous share of their husband’s assets and pension.
.
Still, few choose to end a marriage lightly.
.
One such admits that she delayed ending the marriage for fear of the emotional fallout and also for practical reasons.
.
I couldn’t imagine life without my husband. I’d never lived on my own before, but when I read through some old papers from 1982 I saw all the reasons listed there about why I wanted to leave my husband.
.
So I knew even then but had been in deep denial for years.
.
He’s reinvented himself and lives abroad now.
.
As for me, I’m the happiest ever.
.
The hardest part of her divorce was witnessing the pain it caused her adult children.
.
They tried to be understanding but they have been very hurt.
.
They loved the security that you build up over decades as a family and they’ve said it feels like being orphaned.
.
My love for them is totally unchanged and I hope that will suffice.
.
They had their own vision of the past, which they will now question, and of a future that included Mum and Dad coming to their weddings.
.
Shattering this vision can be very shocking.
.
Many clients strive for amicable settlements, to semi-preserve their children’s dreams.
.
They want to be able to attend their weddings and sit next to their former partner without the risk of rancour or mutual recriminations.
.
But if there’s no love left between the two people, you are wasting what few days you have left on this planet.
.
If you are in an unhappy marriage, I don’t think you can be the kind of person who is much use to anyone.
.
My granddaughter says, ‘Granny, you’re so different now, you are so much happier.
.
You are not trying all the time.
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