Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Moving from being single

Is no longer a natural phase for many people between the end of one relationship and the beginning of another

But a state where they have become trapped
Bars and pick up joints are losing their allure

The Internet might provide more choice but makes it harder to choose;

For many having divorced parents makes it more difficult to trust others

All the recent social changes can result in meeting fewer prospective partners.

So what to do?

The first step is to take a long hard look at yourself.

Often the very things that we think protect us from getting hurt make it harder for new people to come into our lives

Without realising it we have become more judgemental and defensive

Creating a protective wall around ourselves

Hiding behind a protective screening list of things that are not acceptable or desirable in a potential partner

But because like attracts like it is important to understand that this very list or protective approach will attract similar people with the very same issues

So to move away from this self fulfilling situation involves changing the way that we search for love

We must become more open-minded

Learning the art of mixing

Making more fulfilling emotional connections with those we meet

Being less judgemental
Consider also that most people know each other casually, or even distantly, before going out together.

For many where they work has been a low-risk way to meet people;

The great advantage of meeting someone casually as a friend of a friend or through work is that all the defences are down.

In such situations you are not meeting a potential partner

You are just going out together because it could be fun

From such a casual non committal point of departure both parties can be relaxed

And from such a relaxed date more can evolve

In other words the chances are better that something might evolve

Being single can become a trap however by recognising that changing yourself is the quickest way to find a partner is proactive and for sure better than sitting in judgemental isolation

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