Self-esteem

I can pass this examination

I am a wonderful person and will find love again

I am capable and deserve that pay rise

Are phrases that students, the love lorn and driven employees may say to themselves over and over again in the face of difficulty

Self-help books through the ages have encouraged people with low self-esteem to make positive self-statements

And so the idea of positive thinking has ever pushed these teachings on us

However this can be a bridge too far when the gap between reality and mantra is too wide

When one is too far away from the concept it can create the opposite effect

When your self esteem is really low then trying to pretend that you are superhero does not work

Since the 1960s psychologists have known that people are more accepting of ideas close to their own views and resistant to those that differ.

With regard to self-perception, if a person who believes they are reasonably friendly is told that they are extremely gregarious, they will probably accept the idea.

But if told they are socially aloof, the idea will most likely be met with resistance and doubt.

So it is not a big jump to see that positive self-statements cause negative moods in people with low self-esteem because they conflict with those people’s views of themselves.

When positive self-statements strongly conflict with self-perception, there is not mere resistance but a reinforcing of self-perception.

People who view themselves as unlovable find saying that they are lovable so unbelievable that it strengthens their own negative view rather than reversing it.

Given that many readers of self-help books that encourage positive self-statements are likely to suffer from low self-esteem, they may be worse than useless

Holding a positive image rather than a negative one is useful however it must be close enough to the persons self-esteem that it can do any good

If you suffer from low self-esteem be careful of those courses and books that ask you to reach too far

Of more use is to accept the reality that you have low self-esteem

Determine to change this

Find a course, job activity that allows you to address this situation

One step at a time

Check your progress

Move on to the next step

Take no heroic jumps they just bring more pain

One step at a time, just one at a time

.

And yes we can all move on from low self-esteem

.

The first and most important step is believing, really believing that you can

.

The next is finding activities and courses that allow you to address your issues

.

Building your self-esteem and giving you more confidence

.

Keep at it though perseverance and will power are needed here

.

No quick fix will work, work over time will fix it

.

Self-esteem is a funny thing as it relates to how you relate to reality

.

If you feel inadequate because you are not Prime Minister then a reality check is in order

.

Try not to compare yourself with others

.

Not with the most materially successful, or most attention seeking

.

If you need a role model then pick someone who has good human qualities

.

Understand that if you do the best you can every day then this is all that nature asks of us

.

True self-esteem is built on knowing this to be true

.

Knowing that you are becoming a better human being

.

One step at a time, just one at a time