Sunday, October 04, 2009


Are you being secretly manipulated?

Are you being openly manipulated?

Does your self-esteem depend on the approval of others?

Do you apologize just to keep the peace?

Does your self-esteem change according to approval or disapproval from your partner?

Do you feel really happy when your boss praises you and then go right down if your work is criticized?

Are you aware that this is manipulation?

Is it a nice feeling?

Surely not?

So make choices

Choices to get out of this situation

Manipulators have taken the trouble to learn how to find your weak points and exploit them

Time for you to understand what is going on

Look closely at what they see

Is this true?

If yes then decide to change it because only you can do this

Fear is often one of the reasons why we allow ourselves to be manipulated

Is this your situation are you being bullied or put down?

If yes then for sure you have told yourself there is no choice

Except in very few situations, like a dying mother manipulator perhaps, this is not true

It is your perception

Ask others who know how they see your situation

Does your partner have to be right in order to preserve his own sense of self and his sense of having power in the world?

Do you allow him to define your sense of reality?

Because maybe you idealize him and seek his approval

This can happen to either gender

Can happen in any type of relationship including with your boss as well as your partner

Many people who experience this kind of manipulation are actually very successful in every other area of their lives and

They could never imagine themselves in an abusive relationship

Often this is such a gradual process that it tends to creep up unnoticed and so by the time they realize it the damage is usually done

Women more than men are generally very good at empathizing and it often comes naturally to put themselves in other people's shoes.

Without noticing it they start seeing things from the other person’s perspective.

Their own feelings and sense of reality become subordinate and they will often end up apologising for someone else's behavior

They keep wondering if they are too sensitive.

Wondering if they are good enough and why they are not happier

They start lying to avoid the put-downs and have trouble making simple decisions thinking twice before bringing up certain seemingly innocent topics of conversation.

When these things happen the most important thing is to identify what is really going on

And if this is you once you understand what is really happening in your life then this gives you power

Opt out of unpleasant conversations and say that although you respect their point of view you have to differ, making this point is crucial in finding your freedom from manipulation

Remember you have the right to a relationship where people show respect to you

And if this is not the case then you can decide whether you really want to stay with that person

If you do not then leave.

The ultimate power that we have in any relationship is the power to withdraw

Find the courage to exercise this power

Living with manipulation of our lives leads to breakdown over time

You owe it to yourself to end any manipulation in your life

Besides which life is much nicer when we are not being manipulated

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