Judgement and objectivity

Dating site OkCupid.com runs a regular series of blog posts analysing data from the site's 3.5 million active users.
 
By collecting user profiles and site messages, it's possible to calculate everything from the perfect profile picture -

Apparently the perfect profile picture is taken on a high end camera, in the mid afternoon, without a flash
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To the right language to use when replying to messages -

"Your" beats "ur", and "hot" is a turn-off, whereas "fascinating" is a turn-on.
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The data has also shown that on average, users add two inches to their height
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And over-report their salary by 20 per cent.
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What a surprise!
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And certainly the photos submitted are the best and most flattering
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As are any comments about oneself
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Then comes the time to meet in real life
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And in one split second we have an opinion
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Just that first sight and we know more than in all the information provided before
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Does this confirm our impressions?
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Do we adjust?
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Make allowances
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Possibly we do
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Then again it might not meet our expectations
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Did we make excuses that he wasn't this or that
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In fact how many have a list of points he must pass
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Or hurdles he must jump

Before you will let him get close

Or before she can be accepted

Before she is considered a prospect for further dates
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Being judgemental is a dangerous game
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Being objective is another different and more difficult approach
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They sound a bit the same but are very different
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One brings all our prejudices to bear

All our likes and dislikes, being judgemental that is
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The other objectivity observes neutrally what is
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From objective observation we can see how we do not share the same values or needs

From objective observation we can make better choices unclouded by prejudice

We can also learn more about each other

Free of prejudice and evaluation

We can choose to find common ground
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Judgement on the other hand is too often an excuse to run away or avoid any serious relationship

To ''fail'' the other party because of this or that

While conveniently overlooking our own weaknesses and shortcomings 

An easy way to avoid commitment

A way to avoid opening up for fear of being hurt......................again

How much easier to stay in fantasy land

A land where everything is perfect

Where he performs flawlessly

No arguments or disagreements

Perfect times

Floating on a cloud of imaginary harmony

In real life taking no risk by being judgemental

It is so much safer to stay in fantasy land

Observation and judgement are so different
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Where do you fit in this scheme?
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All the data in the world is useless once you meet and have to deal with each other in real life

Here in the real world we learn how relationships are hard work

Compromise is necessary and if only one is prepared to do this then over time things will break

Bringing a judgemental persona to any relationship spells trouble

Let it go and approach each other openly objectively

Relationships require work and are certainly worth the effort

Bon voyage!