OK some are quite good

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?  Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? What is the speed of darkness?  Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?   If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?  Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?   Did you ever stop and wonder...... Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'   Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.' Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?  Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !   If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?   If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?   If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?   Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?  Stop singing and read on......   Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?   Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?  Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Selling ice cream in Britain

Little-known regulations governing mobile food vendors were earmarked to be scrapped as part of the Government’s drive to cut red tape, and had been highlighted by David Cameron as an example of the state’s unnecessary interference in business.
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But discussions with the industry are likely to lead to fresh tinkering with the rules, a change to primary legislation, and additional cost to the public purse of up to £300,000 a year.
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The most significant planned change, from the point of view of parents as well as Mr Whippy (an ice cream company), is an extension of the hours during which vans can broadcast their tinny versions of Greensleeves onto the streets.
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Under the Control of Pollution Act 1974, it is an offence to operate a loudspeaker outside the hours of noon and 7pm if it is “fixed to a vehicle which is being used for the conveyance of a perishable commodity for human consumption”.
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A statutory Code of Practice on Noise from Ice-Cream Van Chimes Etc. introduced in 1982 set out further rules. 
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It tells drivers not to play bursts of music lasting more than four seconds, more than once every three minutes, while they are stationary, when in sight of a rival vehicle, within 50 metres of a school or place of worship and more than once every two hours in the same length of street.
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It was highlighted in last year’s Red Tape Challenge as a piece of “potentially unnecessary regulation on business” that could be safely done away with.
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The Prime Minister declared  It is hard to believe that we need government regulations on issues such as ice-cream van musical jingles.
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However a consultation document published by the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs discloses that the guidance is here to stay and will take up more time for civil servants and businesses.
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Rather than scrapping it entirely, the preferred option is to “keep the code but make it less restrictive”.
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This could mean allowing chimes to sound for up to 12 seconds at a time because the current restriction is “not always complied with” and because “it is difficult to play a recognisable tune in four seconds”.
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Vendors would also be allowed to chime every two minutes while driving, and once when stationary.
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The document also proposes changing the hours between which it is an offence to sound the chimes: “For example to before 10.30am or after 8pm’.”
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Industry representatives told the government that the early start would allow mobile sandwich vendors to sell their wares before lunchtime on industrial estates.
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The industry have also expressed support for a later end time as this is the time of peak ice-cream trade, as well as arguing anecdotally that children’s bedtimes are later than they used to be.
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But this would mean changing primary legislation and so is "likely to take some time".

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A separate “impact assesment” estimates that the “transition costs” of vendors understanding the new system could cost up to £120,000.
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But the proposed changes could also increase the estimated £260,000 annual cost to local authorities of dealing with complaints. 
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Latest figures suggest half of councils receive complaints about ice cream vans every year, mostly about the volume and duration of chimes.
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If the vans are allowed to sound their chimes earlier in the morning and later in the evening, “the combined additional cost to both local authorities and local residents of the ‘worst case scenario’ of a doubling of incidents would therefore be in the region of £150,000 - £300,000 a year”.
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Groups whose views are being sought on the planned changes include the Ice Cream Alliance, the Hot Sausage Company and the Noise Abatement Society.
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Martin Beckford
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What a country!
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Not alone country by country we are all drowning in regulations.
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All of which cost a fortune to introduce, implement and control.
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Invariably these laws are introduced to improve this or that,  and usually today under the catch all of "health and safety grounds".
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Yes it is fine to support society with controls however this has now got seriously out of hand.
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Special interest groups of all shapes and sizes, because of their money and lobbying power, are able to ensure that their interests are protected and advanced.
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Only once in a lifetime do we see these phony laws reversed or removed.
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And in the case of ice cream vans barring a revolution they along with countless other regulations are here to stay.

Blue honey

Beekeepers in northeastern France are all abuzz after their bees started producing blue honey.

Since August beekeepers in the town of Ribeauville have witnessed their bees returning to the cluster of apiaries carrying unusually colorful substances - which turned their honey into unnatural colours.

But now the mystery has been solved.

It appears the enterprising bees have been eating the waste from a nearby biogas plant that has been processing the waste produced in the making of M&Ms.

Mars operates a chocolate factory near Strasbourg, around 100 km (62 miles) away from the affected apiaries.

The discovery was made after the beekeepers became determined to find the source of the blue honey.

The biogas plant has been processing waste from a plant run by the Mars company that makes the brightly coloured M&M chocolates.

The operator of the plant, Agrivalor, told the BBC: 

We discovered the problem at the same time [the beekeepers] did. 

We quickly put in place a procedure to stop it.

The company subsequently published a statement in the French paper La Monde saying it would store all waste from the Mars factory in airtight containers, and process it promptly.

The honey, which is unsellable, and is likely to produce more problems for the beekeepers following a harsh winter and the continually rising bee mortality rates.

Bee numbers have been in steady decline of late and the government in France has banned one pesticide linked to the high mortality rates.

There are around 2,400 beekeepers in the Alsace region, who reportedly tend to some 35,000 colonies and produce around 1,000 tonnes of honey a year.

France is one of the largest producers of honey in Europe, producing some 18,330 tonnes annually.

Pythagoras sayings

Man know thyself; then thou shalt know the Universe and God.
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It is better to suffer, than to do, wrong.
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Do nothing evil, neither in the presence of others, nor privately.
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But above all things respect thyself.
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In the next place, observe justice in thy actions and in thy words.
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Of all the rest of mankind, make him thy friend who distinguishes himself by his virtue.
 
Avoid as much as possible hating thy friend for a slight fault.
 
Dear youths, I warn you cherish peace divine,
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And in your hearts lay deep these words of mine.
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For as long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings, he will never know health or peace. 

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For as long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other. 

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Indeed, he who sows the seeds of murder and pain cannot reap joy and love.
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None but God is wise.
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The soul of man is divided into three parts, intelligence, reason, and passion. Intelligence and passion are possessed by other animals, but reason by man alone.
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Silence is better than unmeaning words.
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No one is free who has not obtained the empire of himself. 

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No man is free who cannot command himself.
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It is only necessary to make war with five things; with the maladies of the body, the ignorances of the mind, with the passions of the body, with the seditions of the city and the discords of families.
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Most men and women, by birth or nature, lack the means to advance in wealth or power, but all have the ability to advance in knowledge.
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Educate the children and it won't be necessary to punish the men.
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Rest satisfied with doing well, and leave others to talk of you as they please.
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Anger begins in folly, and ends in repentance.
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Better be mute, than dispute with the Ignorant.
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Do not say a littel in many words, but a great deal in few!
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There is geometry in the humming of the strings. 

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There is music in the spacing of the spheres.
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Truth is so great a perfection, that if God would render himself visible to men, he would choose light for his body and truth for his soul.
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The oldest, shortest words— "yes" and "no"— are those which require the most thought.
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Rejoice not in another man's misfortune!
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To use Virtue is perfect blessedness.
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In anger we should refrain both from speech and action.
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If there be light, then there is darkness; if cold, heat; if height, depth; if solid, fluid; if hard, soft; if rough, smooth; if calm, tempest; if prosperity, adversity; if life, death.
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Let no one persuade you by word or deed to do or say whatever is not best for you.
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Dispose thy Soul to all good and necessary things!
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None can be free who is a slave to, and ruled by, his passions.
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Do not even think of doing what ought not to be done.
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Order thyself so, that thy Soul may always be in good estate; whatsoever become of thy body.
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Remind yourself that all men assert that wisdom is the greatest good, but that there are few who strenuously seek out that greatest good.
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If thou intend to do any good; tarry not till to-morrow! for thou knowest not what may chance thee this night.
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The best and greatest winning is a true friend; and the greatest loss is the loss of time.
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Happy is that City that hath a wise man to govern it.

Women and sex over time

Who doesn't need to spice up their bedroom routine every once in a while?
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You love your partner and assume he'll initiate sex, so it's all good, right? 

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Not so fast! 

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Did you ever think about what your role is.

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What you could be doing to turn him on? 
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Ladies it is well known, that you want to be in those those comfortable nightgowns,
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Those comfortable pyjamas, that you wear. 
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But, honestly, the quickest turn-off to your partner or spouse are your comfy clothes. 
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So, if you want to spice things up in your love life, shed those comfy clothes and find a nice, attractive bra or a nice nighty, something you can be slinky, sexy and comfortable in that will be a turn on to your partner.
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Don't wait to get asked to dance, meaning you've got to take the lead. 
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You don't have to wait for your partner to ask you to have sex or make love with him. 
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Get involved, get into bed, take the lead and get your partner into bed with you. 
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You'll both have a lot of fun and enjoy yourselves.
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One thing though criticism is to be avoided at all costs. 
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Nothing will turn off your partner faster than you telling him what you don't like and what you don't want taking place. 
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On the other hand, what will be a complete arousal and turn-on is letting him know what he can do to please you and what will excite you if he does it.
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So, tell him what you like, wear those sexy clothes and, most importantly of all, take the lead so that you can have the pleasure you're looking for!
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And if you are a 'him' reading this then make your contribution please.
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Try to remember that women take longer to arouse
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Try to give them what they would like too.

Women dressing

Yes, everyone.

Men and women alike.

Should dress to content themselves. 

But no one should let their body neuroses dominate their wardrobe.

Let alone their lives. 

Fine.

Dress to show off the parts you like the most 

And distract from those you don't.

But make the distinction between "pleasing yourself" and "hiding yourself". 

It is a strange and rarely noted truth.

That if you dress in clothes shaped like a tent you will not only look like a tent but feel like a tent. 

And that's the truth

So in conclusion

Some men don't like some of the clothes the women in their lives wear.

Increasingly the women don't care.

And that's almost always a good thing!

But it is not a good thing when the reason the ladies are wearing non-Kelly Brook clothes is because they hate their figures.

Men can observe that women more and more dress most often for themselves.

Get used to it!

Label wars

Britain's largest food label, the Red Tractor, lays down the lowest animal welfare standards of any quality mark, and shoppers should look for kinder schemes, according to new research.
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A 60-page report into assurance schemes in the UK found that Red Tractor, officially known as "Assured Food Standards", did little more than meet legal requirements – and allowed practices such as the docking of pigs' tails without anaesthetic. 
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Instead, the two charities behind the report, Compassion in World Farming and OneKind, advised consumers to buy meat carrying the RSPCA or Soil Association logos.
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The report, Farm Assurance Scheme and Animal Welfare, carried out an in-depth assessment of Red Tractor, British Lion Mark, RSPCA Freedom Food and Soil Association schemes, as well as Quality Meat Scotland and the Scottish Organic Producers Association.
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Launched in 2000 and carried on £12bn worth of food annually, the Assured Food Standards logo guarantees basic British standards, which are higher than imports from some countries with lower welfare legislation.
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But it scored "poorly" in the study because it allowed (among other things) mutilations of pigs, tethering of sheep and cattle, zero-grazing of dairy cows, and genetically modified or cloned animals and their offspring. 
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It also generally provided less space and comfort than rival marks.
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The report concluded: "The standards offer few welfare benefits compared with standard industry practice and generally only ensure compliance with minimum legislative standards – the interpretation of which is considered inadequate in some cases."
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Soil Association meat had the highest standards for all eight livestock categories – pigs, dairy cattle, beef cattle, sheep, broiler chickens, turkeys, laying hens and farmed salmon – with RSPCA Freedom Food in second place.

Philip Lymbery, chief executive of Compassion in World Farming, said: "When shopping for meat, milk and eggs from animals kept to higher welfare standards, it's best to look for free range, organic or Freedom Food."

As usual there is disagreement amongst the different labels offering guidance to consumers.

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Basically in the UK attempts are being made to draw consumer attention to how badly animals are often treated.

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And yes this should matter to all of us.

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On a more subtle level the negative energy from animals badly treated is something you ingest when you eat their meat.

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It is time to take care about the meat you buy not only from the points raised above but also to avoid where you can eating meat, where the animlas have been pumped full of antibiotics or steroids and other such nastiness.
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And to do that you need to know about labels, hence the above.
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Whatever your country look for labels or advice about how to avoid suspect products.

Emerging paradigm

The mentality of control is a result of a world view that denies purpose.

One such is our present reductionist, materialistic model currently in its death throes.

That it does not accept this is typical of a paradigm shift where the majority still go along with the old and stubborn reductionists..

But until that changes, the regime of control will persist and continue to proceed toward totality.

Our current ideology demands control.

That is why the gathering momentum for change in science is so significant. 

It is more than a mere shift of opinion. 

It heralds a new relationship to the world. 

One where the random is expected where so called chance events are understood to be natures way as much as the predictable. 

Order and beauty can and do arise spontaneously. 

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The spontaneous emergence of organization in mathematical, chemical, and biological systems is part of understanding the new paradigm.

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Take on board the idea that coordination, purpose, and beauty are inseparable properties of matter?

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It does not have to be God.

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Nor any longer random chance events.

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Nature is more interesting than we had allowed.

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What if divinity is an organic property of reality?

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What if, what if

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Is actually already here.

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Always has been just that we were not evolved enough to understand.

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Maybe we are now.

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Not without a fight though from those who cannot or will not give up ideas of control.

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And unless we are able to do so then our destruction is assured.

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We are all part of this, not as spectators but as involved participants.

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One way or another we are all in this together.

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What is yours?

Billy Connolly

I met him once while working on one of his films.


Nice man, easy to talk to.


No bullshit just interested in others.


A rarity amongst those in his profession.


Here is one of his jokes.


Billy Connolly tells the BEST joke EVER!:

Many many Universes

Are you saying that there are many universes?
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If by ‘universe’ we mean ‘all that exists’, then obviously there can only be one, and there can be nothing outside it. 
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But the infinite universe consists of countless finite universes, worlds, objects, and entities of every conceivable size. 
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The infinite totality of all these worlds or systems makes up boundless space. 
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The theory that space popped into being out of nothingness in a ‘big bang’ a few billion years ago and then proceeded to expand to its present vast but supposedly finite size cannot be taken seriously. 
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Nothing comes from nothing, and if space is finite, where does it end and what lies beyond?
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Big bang theorists claim that space might curve back upon itself so that it is both finite and boundless.
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But this is clearly just an illogical, mathematical fantasy. 
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It’s much more reasonable to assume that the universe is boundless, beginningless, and endless, but subject to constant transformations.
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Does the infinite universe have concrete existence?
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Only things that are measurable can have concrete existence.
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Iinfinitude is immeasurable and is therefore an abstraction. 
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An infinite universe basically means that there are literally numberless finite, concrete, substantial systems.
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Which continue limitlessly and endlessly in all directions, inwardly and outwardly.
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David Pratt