Wednesday, May 07, 2008

I do not love him

Or her

A saying we have all felt or said at some time or another


Does love come to you like some sort of present from the outside or do you open to love from the inside?

Modern Internet dating says you advertise your wares and people out there respond to your profile

A marketing, advertising campaign

Many sniff that this is not the way to find love

And the alternatives?

Parents send their children to certain schools so they can create the right relationships

Live in certain areas

Join certain clubs

Move in certain circles

Go to certain churches

Send their children to particular riding, dancing, sailing, ice skating, music and other schools

Go to certain places on holiday

And so it goes on the list is endless

Parents trying to stack the cards in their children's favor

And does it work?

Not so that you would notice

According to the best available information divorce is chosen by fifty percent plus or minus within the first five years of marriage in many countries today

And this across all sections of society

And marriage itself?

Only fifty percent want to get formally married

Whether or not we marry might not be important

How we choose each other is more so

Physical lust for each other is one not so helpful criteria although it is amazing how many men go down this road

On the other side marrying for financial security is a route chosen by many women

Neither is very sound leading as they do to trouble as the parties begin to understand what they have done once the novelty wears off

Becoming aware of each other's real character

Finding the hidden nasties that were not apparent in the first flush of relationship

Myriad little disappointments

So examining what we are doing is a useful starting point in trying to find a better way to steer the odds in our favor

So often our objectives are muddled

Our perceptions of each other unclear

Often we are chasing our parents ideals not our own

It is from their perspective, from their times handed down by their parents even

Marry a professional man is another example of old thinking


Because a professional today is just as likely to lose his job, be flung out, more so than a craftsman who has enduring skills

Marrying for trophy reasons again so many do

Just to impress the world, not sure the world really cares though

Look at what you want

Is it realistically attainable?

Can you deliver?

Start with yourself

What are you bringing to the relationship?

If you want a trustworthy honest partner

Are you trustworthy and honest?

If you want loyalty

Are you loyal?


Are you so funny?

Want him to love you, do you love him?

If you cannot love yourself then how can you love another?

A simple challenge and one that needs looking at

So many do not love or like themselves

Later they then project this dislike onto their partners once the novelty of the relationship has worn off

So the starting point is myself learning and accepting how I truly am, because otherwise I live a lie which one day will out

Liking and loving ourselves is harder than it might sound, and do you?

Only when I like and love myself can I really fully open to another

Love is so often conditional, meaning that it is not really love

Even or particularly when the conditionality is hidden and never spoken

A hidden agreement a transaction no less, this is not love

Love is unconditional, can only be unconditional

Unconditional love can only arise if we can let go our fears

Our conditions

What is your sign?

You might not believe in such things however your likes and dislikes to put it another way are certainly a factor in any relationship

Do you know yours, do you know what works or does not work with another person?

Can you step beyond your parents?

Or are you actually inviting someone else into your life to share your parents?

Your views of children are they shared?

Is religion an issue?

Would you let go your religion?

Can you compromise?

Do you compromise?

What is your view of life and what it is about?

So many issues, things to ponder

The main one though is creating in yourself what you hope to find in another

Finding the truth about yourself is a good starting point

Whether you meet over the Internet a party, family, or friends are maybe not so important

Being able to open yourself to another before making commitments most certainly is

And we cannot do this if we are playing games with ourselves

Sharing a life with another is not easy

Reducing the variables is certainly a start

Maybe living alone is also an option

Maybe the hassle is not worth it so live alone

Quite so, however if this is your choice then choose it after looking at life with another otherwise it could be that you are running away, hiding, rationalizing your fears

Many do

Whatever you choose make your choices on the basis of knowledge not unchallenged perceptions.


Anonymous said...

unchallenged !

Dirk in Antwerp ( Belgium )


I am looking for accountants or " bizniz-(wo)men

plzz contact me at

tanx n greetz

Anonymous said...

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